Speaking In Tongues
Guided by Voices

Ñåðãåé Ëåâ÷èí

Èñòîðèè

Sergey Levchin

Stories


Âàñèëèé Õðèñàíôîâè÷ æèâ¸ò â êâàðòèðå êàê ðàç íàñóïðîòèâ íàøåé. Ýòî âåñüìà äîñòîéíûé ãðàæäàíèí, ïîòåðÿâøèé íà âîéíå ðóêó è áîëüøóþ ÷àñòü íîã, íî íå óòðàòèâøèé ÷óâñòâà þìîðà. Îí ïîñòîÿííî óñòðàèâàåò âñÿêèå ïðèêîëû íàì è Ðàáèíîâè÷àì èç ÷åòâ¸ðòîé, è áåç òîãî çàïóãàííûì. Âîò ïàðó äíåé íàçàä ñõâàòèë ñîñåäñêîãî ñåìèëåòêó è çàñóíóë â õîëîäèëüíèê. Íó, ìû èñêàëè-èñêàëè è, çíàåòå, óæå íà÷àëè ñåðäèòüñÿ, êîãäà îí íàì ïîêàçàë, è òî-òî áûëî ñìåõó! Íó, ÿ î ÷¸ì: õîëîäèëüíèê -- êòî áû ìîã ïîäóìàòü!

Thomas J. Edison lives in the apartment right across from our's. This respectable old gentleman lost an arm and most of his legs in the war, but one thing he still has is his sense of humor. Always, does he play his little tricks on us all and the frightened black woman from 4A. One time, truthfully, took our neighbor's seven-year old, and hid him in the fridge for a couple of days. Well, we searched and searched, and you know, already started to get slightly upset at the fine old man, that is until he showed us, and boy did we ever laugh. I mean -- the fridge -- who would have thought, eh?

Îõðèì Ìëàäøèé ðåøèë îïóñòèòü ïåðâûå íåñêîëüêî äåñÿòèëåòèé ñâîåé íîâîé æèçíè. Åìó ýòî äåéñòâèòåëüíî óäàëîñü, ïîñêîëüêó èì áûëà èçîáðåòåíà ìàøèíà Êîíàí-Äîéëü. Ïîñëå ìíîãîëåòíåé ðàáîòû ÷åðòåæè ìàøèíû áûëè ãîòîâû. Íàñòóïèëî âðåìÿ äåéñòâèé. Äâåðè áûëè çàêðûòû ìåñÿöàìè, Îõðèì çàêàçûâàåò ïèùó è ïèòü ïî ñïåöèàëíîìó òåëåôîíó. ß òàì îäíàæäû áûë, ïîñìîòðåòü ïðîöåññ ðàçâèòèÿ Î`Äîéëÿ (êàê ÿ ïðåäïî÷èòàþ åãî çâàòü), íî áûë äîïóùåí òîëüêî â ãîñòèíóþ è óäîñòîèëñÿ ëèøü ìàíåðêè ñ õîëîäíûì ÷àåì. ×åòâåðòîãî äåêàáðÿ ïðîøëîãî ãîäà ÷óäåñíàÿ ìàøèíà áûëà âêëþ÷åíà âïåðâûå. Îõðèì Ìëàäøèé, ñòàëî áûòü, äîñòèã ñâîåé öåëè.

Albert Young decided to omit the first couple of decades of his brand new life. He did, in fact, accomplish that, as he has invented a machine called Conan-Doyle. After years of preparation the design for Conan-Doyle was completed. Now, it was time for some action. Doors have been closed for months, Albert requests his food and drink through a special telephone. I was there once, to see O'Doyle (as I came to call it) being brought closer to birth, but was only allowed in the living room and given a tin of cold tea. On December 4th, last year, the wonderful machine was turned on for its very first time. Albert Young, thus, has successfully reached his goal.