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«God knows what you mumble to yourself
while looking for your pince-nez or
you keys…»
Vl.Khodasevich
On Monday, dear, you were killed. On Tuesday
it dawned on me: it is about you.
I hear water running in the sink. It used to
flow like your ink.
Today is Thursday.
Dear, I don't care.
As if I stood — look — in a shallow stream.
Each trifle seems to have a meaning there —
like in a movie or in a skillful dream.
If I could hide you in a bunker, attic,
some basement, Lord,
so they can't see your face
just only not to think: you walk through static
of worthless stars, through god-forsaken space,
through stars like someone's money — the address you
are uttering, which I don't hear thence.
The night, like a policeman, will undress you,
my fancy Thursday, with its freezing hands.
It wouldn't know, what you are mumbling, Thursday,
while looking back,
while sliding in the O,
in which one cannot speak, not even «thirsty»,
I know how much you do not want to go.
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«Áîã çíàåò, ÷òî ñåáå áîðìî÷åøü
Èùà ïåíñíå èëè êëþ÷è...»
Âë.Õîäàñåâè÷
×åòâåðã, òåáÿ óáèëè â ïîíåäåëüíèê.
ß ïîíÿëà âî âòîðíèê, ÷òî òåáÿ.
Âîäà òåêëà èç êðàíà. Ïðèòóïè,
ïðîøó òåáÿ, íå æãè òàê äîëãî, áîëüíî.
×åòâåðã, óæå ÷åòâåðã, ìíå âñå ðàâíî.
Êàê áóäòî â ìåëêîì ÿ ñòîþ òå÷åíüå.
Êàê ìåäü â âîäå, òåïåðü áëåñòèò çíà÷åíüåì
ëþáàÿ ìåëî÷ü — êàê â ïëîõîì êèíî.
Ê êàêîìó áåçîïàñíîìó, êàêîìó
ñâåñòè òåáÿ áåçâåñòüþ ÷åðäàêà?
×åòâåðã, ×åòâåðã, êàê ìíå áåç ×åòâåðãà?
Òåáå-òî êàê — ïî âîçäóõó ãëóõîìó?
Ìíå æóòêî äóìàòü, êàê èäåøü äîìîé.
Äóðàöêèõ çâåçä âîêðóã, êàê ÷üèõ-òî äåíåã.
Êàê ïîëèöåéñêèé, íî÷ü òåáÿ ðàçäåíåò
õîëîäíûìè ðóêàìè, ìàëü÷èê ìîé.
Ïî÷åì åé çíàòü, ÷òî ñàì ñåáå áîðìî÷åøü —
îãëÿäûâàÿñü, â ïóñòîòó ñêîëüçÿ,
â êîòîðîé áîðìîòàòü óæå íåëüçÿ.
ß ÷óâñòâóþ, êàê óõîäèòü íå õî÷åøü
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