The Poem of Feeling
1
God gave --
God took.
Was one
Got off the hook.
My soul's being cut:
Life's not life when we're apart.
Twisting with snow
no sleep and no sense.
He might come back.
He might come back to himself.
Hope for a wonder
Is tying my mouth.
He might love me.
He might say he does.
My thought isn't bowing.
My soul's breaking on through.
He might come back to himself.
He might know what to do.
2
My voice tolls like a bell
Over the crypt of my past.
Once he was
the man I loved.
Voice into whisper.
Hands behind my back.
One can't help loving
Such a man.
Hoarsely once more --
O God I'm scared! --
My voice is trembling.
What is it? -- I don't care.
We were deceived,
We were betrayed.
Once we were people,
Now we are clay.
We aren't the one --
broken into halves.
They've got it!!!
We're not in love.
Once they set us free
We tried to fly.
We loved,
they lied.
Once they took our will,
The reason lasts for miles.
Terrible fate --
We are crucified.
Once they took our God,
Now he's on the cross.
We lived while we were one,
But the unity is lost.
Once the axe
Fell on the neck.
Not you who betrays
But you are betrayed.
God gave -- not God took.
There is one -- on another hook.
My soul's being cut.
Life's not life when we're apart.
3
No I won't go -- I'm inborn! --
Tear us -- I'll try to endure
The first-begotten feeling
To be with you.
My hand that is holding yours
Is paralyzed. On the Doomsday
At the auction of Hell
Will sell my pain.
I'm so much afraid to lose!
We're not two -- though to-gether.
It's easy to cut my soul
with spears of steel, saying whether
I feel -- saying: Yes, he loved! --
Farewell! -- But he can no more.
A fascinating power
I feel your warmth when you're cold.
Your voice -- so dear to me
I should have been dead and deaf.
Away -- running home, my home,
Repeating the rhythm of the wave,
Embossing: I love you! Come back!
But suddenly cutting away:
Farewell! -- and the cornflower sky
Or scorn? -- falling down again.
I should have been sent to Hell --
To the middle -- not round by round,
As if the Gods were envious
And revenge for the love we had found
In the times we were also Gods
We created our own universe...
I wanted to be with you!
But somebody whispers: So...
Yes, He's got another
So much easier to fall!
Sleepless nights...
Why?.. Don't!...
How do you feel after the skies?
Again God -- on the earth? with earth?
The best of thy wonders
Leave me the pride of my own
Chance -- to leave, not be left.
(Is it -- how do Gods do?
When it's time not to love me,
You're saying you love me true.)
No!!! And if in my soul
Two lives became one life?
No!!! And if I won't go?
Then -- say good-bye.
Shall we be friends? -- Later on?
Love-hood for brother-hood.
It's hard to breathe and I swallow:
No, I'd better leave you.
That's scofting on sacred things --
We'd be -- so faceless -- just friends?
To be friends is for those two,
Not having loved. We had.
I should have hated you, then
I could believe that once
Two hearts had their unison
That could be measured with heart.
What?! -- remembering all we were --
Face, cold forehead and hands
And loving -- to leave -- to be
Quiet and safe -- So strange!
Not to worry, to care of
Your pride and your nerves
Is that LOVE?
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The Siren
-- So long since my childhood I've been called The Siren
For I had mysterious foam around me,
My hair was the colour of the tree's skin,
For I had been loving for so many years
A beautiful knight who sang beautiful ballads...
For I was a very unusial child.
They told me that I would be lucky and happy,
I'd never be broken like the branch of the willow,
There'd be good and bad in me close together,
I'd pray for my pride and I'd die for my honour.
I don't know and maybe I'll have it one day,
They have all the reasons to see it that way.
But now I just have to cry and to dream
About the days I was happy and free.
That doesn't matter, but I became so simple,
Mocking and biting, bad-tempered and wicked,
For the love of the knight I gave my foam away,
And my castle is ruined, and I'll never be safe.
And my hair became black for my sorrow and grief,
And my eyes lost variety of the sea...
And who am I now? A funny little mermaid,
Nobody loves her, nobody cares for her.
And people are laughing: Is it the Siren?
Where is her foam and where is her hair?
My fate took away all the colour of my hair,
My foam is lost for the reason I don't remember...
The wind was my brother, the storm was my friend,
And now only snow watches my end.
I lose all my light, I will never be free.
My beautiful knight, will you ever save me?
Bring back my eyes that are as bright as the sea,
Bring back my foam that I lost to have thee!
You tell me I'm not deserving to have it no more.
Why are you so quiet -- you, who loved me before?
You told me you loved... I remember that day.
But you closed the door where I could be saved.
I pray and I pray being sinner no more.
But I always stay behind that closed door.
Being honored so high I never could see,
Where are you, where are you, my childhood dreams?
Where is my light of the young Amazons?
I'm now like the rest of all the usual girls,
And I will end my way, and the door will stay closed,
For I'll never return my foam that I've lost.
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* * *
Not with my body -- the madness of flesh,
Not the emptiness of every bone,
Not with that weakness: Will thee come?
(I won't ever ask thee -- to come.)
Not the soft warmness, not obedient clay,
Not closer -- not kissing thy cheek,
That pitious love thee -- I won't ever say,
Let others say they love thee...
Not like a woman (You never were mine,
but more! -- and you never will be.)
But like a bird, unripping the sky,
The wave, bringing foam from the sea,
The sun and the abyss -- coming so close,
The flower, tearing its bud to be born,
Despite all the miles -- and measures -- and laws
I love you -- and more -- and more...
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